Farewell my companion - Winnie

It was a Saturday morning and the soft drizzly rain just keep falling on me over and over...
My hair were wet and my face were ice cold covered by the sad falling rain as I walked lonely away from the Hospital...
I could still clearly remember the slight warm feeling from her little paw as I held her... in the last moment... The very little warmth that she has left as her little life is slipping away while I cried helplessly holding on to her... Hoping that for once a miracle would happen but again and again Death had no mercy,
As her little paw turns cold, I felt my heart broke. I wish I could replace her,
My one and only companion I had left in this sad lonely world. Winnie.

I dread to return home. A place which no longer has the 2 of us. I would be able to feel her presence, her smell and my mind will cry in denial that she is no longer with me.
I remember how she always calls to me, asking for more water... or scratch me when I spend too much time on the PC... wanting a hug or a cuddle...
We played the little red fluffy ball together... chasing and running... All these now is a history...
My heart arches and I fear to stay... I sit down on a bench in the park, crying pitifully to myself.
I do not want sympathy. I just want my Winnie back to me.

I try hard not to think... My brain drained from the whole event since I woke up from that call from the doctor. How I raced down, my heart broke every steps I take, every minutes that past. I never knew that night we played before I send her in to have her checked would very well had been the last. My eyes tears all the way until I was with her... I did not care anymore. Laugh all you want, this stupid girl over her cat, but she is the only companion I have left in this cruel world. I used to always say I am alone. I have nobody, but I always had forgotten how she was always there. Sitting besides me. Her only condition of love is that I never give up on her. And yet, in the end I had failed her because I could not do anything to help her as she slips away from my hand... I had lost one by one, all my dearest and of my blood and now I had lost her too to the merciless scythe of the reaper. Why had then Death not given me mercy and took me instead? I just keep crying and crying until an unfamilar old man sit down beside me and give me a hug... and then a chocolate bar... and left. I did not know what I feel, it was almost warm in the cold windy rain on this sad Saturday afternoon.

Winnie. I called her again and again... almost screaming I remembered... but as her heart beats weakened from the last bits of drugs the doctor could give... As they pulled off her life support, I almost went insane... NO!!! I lost all control I knew. But nothing stop death from take her away...  I did all my paperworks and I know I will be here again, in this sad place to bring her home again tomorrow... in a wooden box for the last time. Winnie. I promised I will bring you home. And I will tomorrow. Be here for you... My hearts hurts like it would tear me apart as the nurses process my papers... impartial to everything as if it was normal. It isn't. Winnie is not just cat. She was the only one I had. I looked up as the rain drop fall on my hair and my face. I did not know how I am going to face tomorrow without her. I had never been this alone. Never been really alone. All I can hope for is that she is indeed in a better place like all stories is told to kids about the rainbow bridge.

Goodbye Winnie. I will miss you. And I know a part of my died together with you. I will long to be with you again, but that day may not come soon. Please wait happily for me. I promise we will be together again.